Baby Horror Movies

This past week has been a doosy. This is Geoff writing by the way. You should notice a difference in grammatical errors and it probably isn't as interesting as my wife's writing. Anyway, so this weekend we were all excited about going to our Prenatal Birthing Class. I had to look up what prenatal meant. It is the part before the baby comes out in all its glory. We were excited to take a tour of the hospital, learn the signs of labor, and participate in the stress releasing fun that comes with breathing techniques. My favorite was the part were I get to shout out how many hee, hees are left, before you hoo. Betsey felt really prepared, because she loved her Child Development class at BYU, including the birthing part. I on the other hand thought that I was along just for the ride. Although I had no idea that I was going to be called a "coach." I never thought this labor thing was a game.

So we showed up and things were going well for the first part, we got all our introductions out. They asked what is your favorite thing about being pregnant. Most people said they loved it when the baby kicked or moved. I thought that was the weirdest answer ever!! You like to see your belly roll around? That just freaks me out. Don't get me wrong, I love knowing the baby is alive and well, I just don't need to see weird belly contortions. So once the pleasantries were over and done with we spoke about the wonderful discomforts that come with pregnancy. I already know them too well.... Waking up in the middle of the night, craving, back pain, emotional distress, etc. etc. After that lovely conversation we went on to talk about birthing vocabulary. Have you ever heard of a Fundus? Sounds to me like some kind of mushroom. I still don't know what it is, so if anyone knows let me know.

Breathing was next, this was the fun part! We turned of the lights and learned some relaxation techniques, and how to breath in your nose and out your mouth, you know the same things you see on t.v. shows. We had lunch and came back to the best part of the day. The birthing video. This is the Horror part of the day. I had a Double Cheeseburger for lunch and I felt like I was going to lose it in that video. The Video was basically 4 women and their birthing experiences. One experience was a women that was going natural, until she got into active labor and they gave her an epideral and started sticking her with tubes and everything. Then they showed us the episiodomy, I'm lucky I never have to be pregnant. I looked over at Betsey she looked white. I don't know if it was the chili dog or something else, but she looked like she was going to puke. I think that this video is probably the best way to keep teenagers abstenant. Then the next lady was a c-section, Yea they showed us the whole surgery! Hey I don't need to see that! And then the commentator on the movie said something about the process being so beautiful. Right, all I remember was some man sticking his hand into this womans belly and pulling out an alien of gross goop. So the third women was a little asian girl, who was struggling for her life and couldn't get the baby out after 2 hours of pushing. So the Doctor decided to use Forceps! I never knew those things would fit in there, that was nasty. And the last lady had the baby natural and the baby came out like a daisy. I think it lasted an hour, it looked like the baby just crawled out there. I knew that wasn't realistic. Anyway, after that whole process I looked at Betsey and thought to myself, "well I'm looking at the ceiling the whole time during our birthing process, and I am definatly going to need oxygen. Betsey reminded me that I was going to have to hold her leg. I told her i was going to faint, and she said that if I faint she'll kick me out of the room. I'm trying to find out if they still sell some of that fake throw up candy stuff, maybe I can pull it off. We came out of that class more overwhelmed the anything else. All in all the class was an eye opener. I am glad I'm a man!